This is something I’ve written almost a year ago, I felt like I’ve lost passion in everything that I do. I tried to ‘entertain’ myself or keep myself busy. But the truth is, I’m just ignoring the obvious. Something just didn’t feel right. That thought kept me up almost every night. Till finally I had the courage to ask myself, “What is it that really makes you happy?”
Ever since I was a young girl, I find myself happiest getting lost, discovering new places, either alone or with company. Happiest with the little things in life; my days consisted of riding a bike under the sun, walking on the beach, catching dragonflies and making perfume out of flowers I stole from our neighbor’s garden. *cheeky smile* I sometimes I get flashbacks of myself on my bike with no specific destination in mind, along with a group of friends I barely understood, as they spoke a different language. I don’t remember their names, even their faces are a blur. But we all definitely had one thing in mind: Adventure. And I believe that’s what made me the happiest. It’s the strong curiosity as a child, the urge to explore and the unexplainable joy of new discoveries. I was happy… I felt free.
As we grow older, however, we start to forget about these little perks of life. We find ourselves focusing on things ahead. Unaware, we slowly get stuck in an endless routine of the life-sucking ‘rat race’. As a child, our parents have taught us that to be successful you need to study hard, graduate with a degree, get a full time job, get married and have kids. THEN, you’ll be happy.
Now that I’m officially done with college, I feel like I’m on the edge of a platform, being pressured by everyone to dive into this utterly depressing lifestyle. And all I could think about is “I don’t need a high-paying 9 to 5 job just to be imprisoned to it my whole life in return and there is no way that I was born just to pay the bills…”
I’m 23, officially unemployed, and I have NO idea what I want to do with my life. I felt like a complete mess and maybe I still do! Everything did not go as planned. I was in darkness for weeks and completely shut everyone out. But now I’ve decided, that it doesn’t matter if I don’t know what I want to be for the rest of my life. What’s important is what I want RIGHT NOW. If you’re in a similar situation, this is what you should really be asking yourself: What makes you happy? What makes you feel most alive?
Even if my mind is still in complete chaos right now, there’s at least one thing that I’m sure about. And that’s the answer to that question – Traveling. I’ve always wanted to go solo backpacking. So I will. Simply because I can, and I know that it’s the only thing that would satisfy me. It is what will make me happy, at least for now. I want to end this post with a quote from someone whom I asked ‘what makes you happy?’ and this was his reply instead:
Remember that whenever you ask yourself a single question, too often, you think of a million possible answers. But you have to carefully choose the right one, make a decision and you must stick to it. Because if you don’t, what do you think would happen?
Back to the present. Yes, I achieved that goal to travel solo for 10 days back in April 2016. And on August 2016, I finally decided to travel long term. Currently writing this post in my new ‘home’, here in Hanoi (Vietnam).
Have you ever felt the same way before? Felt like you have no passion at all? Like nothing is going right with your life? I’d like to hear it on the comments below. Or if it’s too private, I’m always happy to receive emails from my readers and try my best to reply asap.